Pretty Ear?
Ever go through a phase where you have so very little luck, then when you get anything to go your way, it seems like a miracle?
In the very late 90's I get a call "NBC needs your help".
Without asking a single question I said "I'm there"
Things were looking good the next morning, NBC was there, and I was going to be a "reader" in this massive casting call for some soap opera they were doing. So I'd get plenty of camera time with NBC. Even better, the other actor that was there with me? Randy Hock. Randy was on a HUGE winning streak. The casting people loved him, the industry loved him and he'd just wrapped a huge role in a huge movie called "The Big Store" (not a remake of the Marx brothers film, it's funny because like clockwork, everyone would say "Oh The Big Store, remaking the Marx Brothers, huh" I had no idea this Marx Brothers movie was so popular)
Nope not this one.
Actually let's talk about THE BIG STORE for a minute. This was a movie I had a part in, but my part was downgraded.(I just remembered who was given the part, they gave it to Randy's roommate! See? The guy was on such a hot streak, that even his roomate was winning) Which was a huge bummer. I went from playing "Mentally Challenged Security Guard" with 4 lines to playing "Soldier" with no lines. At least that's what they thought. My first day on THE BIG STORE set was on an old school world war 2 bus. The premise of this movie, was a guy came back from the war and decided to start selling tv's, and as a result tv's started slowly replacing family time. Not a bad idea. Harmless. So I'm on the bus with the main character "coming home from the war", and my character had to play cards with him. The director, after a lengthy talk with me that morning about the RAT PACK MOVIE, said "improvise with him, Tim, be great". Let's just talk about my improv in this movie this is how it went:
main character: I won again.
Tim: NOOOOOOOO.
Main Character: Yep, no way you won.
Tim: No. Noooooo. No.
Main Character: Check your hat, are you hiding extra cards?
Tim: Noooooooooooo.
I know, amazing. If only the Academy gave nominations for "excessive use of the word NO".
It didn't matter, I thought this scene was gold. I thought "this is MUCH better than if they let me keep the role as a mentally challenged security guard!" I was so happy I had "lines" that I actually went to the car and gave the director a copy of my RAT PACK movie.
The next scene was at a bar. Pretty much every bit of work I did in my first 3 years was either in uniform or in a bar or if it's THE BIG STORE, BOTH. Another funny thing, on THE BIG STORE press junket, someone actually called this "a very worthy sequel to SAVING PRIVATE RYAN". Now let's talk about how goofy everything in this scenario is, first of all, how is a movie about televisions a sequel to Private Ryan? The only thing this movie had in common with Private Ryan is that it had people in it.
Also.... how was I invited to do the press junket for that movie? All I did was say various, over the top variations of the word "NO". THE BIG STORE never came out and changed it's name a bunch of times before I completely lost track of it.
Actually funny enough, Randy Hock also took the role I was close to getting in the movie Kimberly, I was that close to playing "angry student" but at the last minute they gave Randy the role. They downgraded me to "bar fly". Actually Kimberly changed it's name too. And never came out. That's what these movies get for downgrading my roles.
..
So back to NBC, Randy and I are there, and Randy is on a winning streak and everyone knew it. The head of NBC daytime named Kathy, came to meet us both looks at me and said "Tim come with me I have something for you". I thought "sweet! Randy's luck is catching on!" She pulls me aside and gives me her brief case and says "carry this".
Ok. Maybe my luck isn't catching on just yet. But I bet it will.
This guy, lets call him Mr. Sweeney a head producer of NBC daytime, comes out. He gave me his business card and I thought "I'm gold, first I carry a brief case now I have a business card! Next step....AWARDS SHOWS". We all get set up for the camera tests with everyone, and they give us the script...all I remember is two ridiculous lines I would have to hear over and over again for the next 8 hours. The first line is "Dad is all over the bastard" and somehow the entire scene ended with the line "Pretty Ear?". I'm not making this up.
Randy and My job was to read on screen with any of the actors they deemed worthy from the casting call. For the next 3 hours was some of the craziest auditions I have ever seen. People cursing for no reason while trying to improvise (in their defense I guess it beats saying NO over and over) and one guy ripped off his microphone while trying to be "dramatic" I told him "hey man, being dramatic is good, having them be unable to hear you is not good". It was goofy. Then Mr. Sweeney turns to Randy and, out of nowhere, says to him, "You're going to the next level" Randy looked happy, Feeney Looked happy. But really, none of us knew what "the next level" meant. I still don't know. I thought "well if Randy is on a win streak, I want to go to the next level too". It gets worse. By 12:30 in the afternoon, I was, unfortunately, still not at the next level and Mr Sweeney, the NBC guy, turns to me and says "Time to get us all lunch. Tim. GO"
Oh no. I wasn't brought into NBC because I was the man, I was brought into NBC because they want me to get them lunch. And somehow, all of them, wanted "Vegetable Sandwiches" I had no idea what a vegetable sandwich was. But they all needed a Vegetable Sandwich immediately and Mr Sweeney needed potato skins with his Vegetable Sandwich. I had no idea where to find a vegetable sandwich, so I ended up buying them all salads and pieces of bread, hoping they'd somehow make due. Somehow, this worked.
More random stuff. Of course they kept Randy on screen, but one of the producers had to use the bathroom downstairs, so they sent me to sit at a table and judge which actors made it to the "screen test" and which ones didn't.
Seems like a lot of responsibility right? I had no idea what "type" NBC was looking for for this tv show, so every single actor that sat at that table with me from 3pm to 3:45pm? I wanted to give them ALL a chance...I sent them ALL into the screen test. They were really mad at me about that. Looking back? I would have done the same thing, giving hopefuls face time with NBC? I didn't care if they were the worst actors ever....they were getting in. They deserved to have a shot at their dreams too. And who knows? Maybe they'd get to this mysterious "next level" that I still hadn't attained. NBC daytime producers were furious and sent me back to the screening room, where, I caught some angry militant girl intern attempt to not tape certain auditions, if the actor on screen was in competition with her audition. That was just wrong. I told her I'd take over, besides, she had barely touched her vegetable sandwich.
Anyway, the day ended, I never was told I was on "the next level" with Randy. But Kathy from NBC did hear that I was being vigilant with trying to make NBC see EVERYONE, and she said "I like your style, come out to New York and meet with me".
Nothing came of Randy's "next level", but I did end up in a very strange meeting with NBC, I didn't know if I'd ever be invited back, so I did take a TON of NBC stationary, and then proceeded to have the weirdest meeting with Kathy of NBC programming. She wasn't impressed with my BIG STORE improv (shocker right?) so out of sheer and embarrassing desperation, I ended up telling her how I made up some dialogue in my high school production of "The Beverly Hillbillies" (A fine production put on by Avon Grove High School in beautiful and scenic West Grove, Pennsylvania) , and what happens?
She says "Hmm, know what you need to do? Write me an test episode of FRASIER".
How a high school production of The Beverly Hillbillies and an episode of FRASIER are connected, I will never ever know.
I do know that 2 days later Kathy got her episode of FRASIER.
I can't remember how I filled that 22 pages, but I know I wrote the entire first draft on NBC stationary. I found the last page of that script the other day in an old planner, and the last line of my FRASIER script? "Frasier and Niles do a silly little dance".
I still think it's funny.
I don't think NBC ever did though, because I never ever heard from them again about it.
take care and be good,
TIM